Archive | December, 2009

Gonna get a camel, gonna sell my car

28 Dec

Maybe it’s the result of being drunk for a week, but I just bought this in the ASOS sale. Was that a completely fucking stupid thing to do? I guess we’ll just have to wait and see when it arrives. Either way, at least it’s gonna look awesome with the Xen Tan/Snob combo that is my daily beauty routine.

On the less risky side, they also have a bunch of Wildfox things on sale so if, like me, your aim in life is to resemble Lindsay Lohan, you’re in there like swimwear. I nearly bought this shirt last week in Selfridges full price. Man I woulda felt like an ass.

Run, don’t walk to the ASOS sale.

They say I got brains but they ain’t doing me no good

28 Dec

For reasons unbeknown to me, my dad bought me two books about 70s fashion for Christmas.

About fifty years off my era of choice, but there we go, broadening my horizons. I’ll come to the second book at a later date, but the first one is basically a ‘lol the old days were funny’-style tome as you can see from the caption in the picture above (click to enlarge). The predictable problem is that I really like everything in the book, from the clothes and makeup to the bitching cork kitchens and mustard bathroom suites.

The picture above is a catalogue advert for range of leatherette beachwear and without wanting to be too predictable (again), I fucking love it! I particularly love babe at the back with her Kim from How Clean Is Your House/Alexander Wang hair. I’m going to dig out some leather effect spandex from my fabric trunk and have a bash at knocking some of these out for my Vegas trip. Next step; extensions.

My heart can’t wait another day

21 Dec

I’m not going to claim that as a beauty editor people are constantly asking me what’s in my vanity case because that would be a total lie. However. Yesterday I saw Gemma’s Top Ten Beauty Products of the Noughties and I figured, I might do that too. Gemma’s is probably better but I’m dead excited because I set up a new wireless network all by myself and that’s floored me.

Liz Earle Cleanse & Polish, £12.50
This will come as no surprise to anyone I’ve ever had the misfortune to meet. Liz Earle should win every award on the planet, including perhaps an Oscar. This cleanser will change your life. I know that sounds a little hyperbolic but seriously, it’s the shit. It is the one beauty product I will buy if I can’t get my hands on it through work. It leaves your skin scrupulously clean, sorts out blackheads, spots, grease, dryness, redness, AIDS? I dunno about that last one, but if this doesn’t change your skin I will come round to yours and polish you to death with my array of muslin cloths.

Schwarzkopf Professional OSiS Dust It, £10.45
Time for more hyperbole. This is the best hair product I’ve ever used. In terms of styling, at least. It depends on what you want your hair to look like, but for me this creates precisely what I want: matte, Ronnie Spector, volume. Hair powders are huge at the moment but I’ve tried ‘em all and still come back to this. Some don’t brush out and just flake up into white lumps which fall off your scalp (no names, no names), others don’t have sufficient hold. This does the lot.

Benefit One Hot Minute, £23.50
I love bronzer and TBH there are about ten that I use on a regular basis, but this one is my current favourite so it wins a spot. The brush that comes with it is piss poor so do away with that and use your regular bronzer brush. It gives your face a tan in one sweep with none of the muddiness you can get with cheaper bronzers. It also leaves you with a weird, subtle, glow so you look like you’re healthy even when you’re not, like me.

Bobbi Brown Body Shimmer Brick
This was limited edition but you can get it on eBay I guess. 2009 was the year I became obsessed with Bobbi Brown. I love MAC, I love tranny makeup, I love glitter. However, this was the year of Bobbi. Skintones for every shade on the planet, makeup that makes you look like yourself but better, natural but shit hot shades. Her facial shimmer bricks are bestsellers, but this year she released the shimmer brick for the body. My world stopped. It’s pretty expensive and the brush that goes with it is too but yegod, it’s worth it. Brush down your arms, legs, cleavage, whatevs and you look like you’ve come back from 6 months in Capri. Glowing, bronzed, somehow slimmer, all round sexual. I will cry when my stockpiled three run out.

W7 Liquid Eyeliner, £1.99
My usual eyeliner of choice is MAC Fluidline, but I have a total obsession with this too. I was always shit at liquid liner but something about this – the brush, the consistency, the length of the handle? – makes it piss easy to use. The colour is completely black, it stays in place forever and it’s fucking cheap. Everyone raves about Max Factor Define & Glide but whenever I’ve got it it’s dried out really quickly and does that kind of translucent black that you have to go over three times. This doesn’t. And it’s cheaper.

Barry M Dazzle Dust in Block Blue, £4.50
Everyone loves Barry M and everything they make is great. Let’s get that clear. This year they launched their first matte shades of their bestselling Dazzle Dusts and lo, how we rejoiced. I have five of these. I hoard things, I guess is what we’re learning. This is crazy bright, lasts all day and is exactly the colour it looks in the pot. How many eyeshadows can you actually say that about? Fuck all, that’s what.

Jo Malone Red Rose Cologne, £64
Not only does this raise money for Breast Cancer (buy it in October, you shits), it’s also my favourite fragrance of the decade. It lasts alllll day so you can ignore the price tag and just use a dab every day. The best and weirdest thing about this unabashedly feminine scent is that boys hate it and girls freak out about it. Whenever I wear it, girls follow me around and ask what it is. PRs kiss you hello and go mental until you tell them what it is. My mum is obsessed. Boys, howevs, say you smell like an old woman and/or pot pourri. But who cares about boys, right?

The Sanctuary Mela Body Butter, £7.99
As a general rule I use half a tub of body butter at a time to use up my squirrel-esque stash, but this one I use as sparingly as the northerner I am. The main ingredients are pistachio and rose which may not sound all that but together they make some kind of insane blend of heaven. On top of that, it works. It’s one of the thickest body butters I’ve ever used but still sinks in quick enough that you can get dressed again in a reasonable time. The smell lasts all day too; wear it with your Jo Malone and you’ll be as attractive to men as a hunchbacked nun.

MAC A Rose RomanceBlusher
Another limited edition one from this year, this blush probably gives you a further clue as to my taste. OMG flowers. Yeah this blusher is pretty to look at but you know what? It’s good too, so don’t judge me. It’s that perfect shade of pink that does genuinely look as natural as blusher is allegedly supposed to look. It appears to last forever too, as I use it daily and I’m still not getting anywhere.

MAC Snob Lipstick, £12
I wear lipstick every day of my life and as a general rule have about six in my handbag at any one time. Howevs, my favourite lipstick of the decade is definitely MAC Snob. This powdery pastel pink verges on frosted and I don’t imagine many people like it. Again, it won’t win you any points with the boys but again, who gives a shit? It’s so gross and pink and makes you feel like Gaga or something. Looks especially good with a pile of bronzer and my new lash extensions.

Everybody thinks that you’re such a drag

16 Dec

I have always hated Keds. I changed my mind last week when I saw these, but for the most part I still hate them. This collaboration with Opening Ceremony is cute though and fittingly, as it’s inspired by London punks, you can actually buy them in London. ZOMG I know, it came as a pleasant surprise to me too, most collabos I love are only available in NYC. Buy ‘em at Harvey Nick Nacks for about £100. Leopard, obvo, still can’t get into zebra.

Reflections of my warped mind staring back at me

15 Dec

I can’t stop thinking about this. Every time I close the tab I have to open it again and think about it more. Kinda pricey but will my life be the same without it? Squirrel Necklace, £145, Les Bijoux de Sophie at The Moon & Mars.

They cut off my hair but it looked alright

14 Dec

Queen Iris of Apfel. My hero. I think this will always be my favourite pic of her:

Knockin’ on the back door, climbin’ through a window

11 Dec

In the Metro this morning their token nugatory story (aren’t they all?) was about monocles. Apparently Specsavers have been overwhelmed with requests for the things and as a result have started stocking them for the first time. I guess handsome people like Mark Ronson are to blame for the return of this dandy, foppish thing and while I definitely like the idea of people wearing monocles, I can’t help but assume it’s 2010′s verstion of the fake geek glasses. Still, despite what Specsavers say, I’m yet to see anyone attempting this look, and I live in the fop-friendly Goldsmiths area. If I saw dude wearing one I’d probably think he was an idiot, so I’d rather try and make this trend work for the ladies.

On Wikipedia (my most trusted resource, of course) they say that the monocle ‘garnered a following in the stylish lesbian circles of the earlier 20th century, with lesbians donning a monocle for effect’ which is a ringing endorsement if I ever heard one (honestly, I mean that). Here are some stylish types with their monocles that I’ve managed to dredge from the internet; I’d love to see more!

From the movie Das Testament des Dr. Mabuse, 1933

D’hervilly’, a photo by French photographer Charles Ogerau, c. 1905! On Flickr thanks to @deeAuvil

The always inspiring Lady Una Troubridge in a famous portrait by Romaine Brooks…

…and the famous portrait of Sylvia von Harden by Otto Dix.

A foot in the gutter, a foot in the grave

7 Dec

I had a day off work today owing to a total miscalculation in leave. Turns out I have 5 more days to take in the ten days I have left at work before Christmas (THAT SOUNDS SO GOOD I MIGHT JUST SAY IT AGAIN, TEN MORE DAYS). That’s not going to happen, is it? It’s probably for the best because while I enjoyed a lie-in, by the time it got to about 3pm I was bored out of my fucking mind. I wager I’ve been on every single website on the world today. The only thing of any interest that happened was my landlord showing up by surprise when I was slumped on the sofa in my pyjamas. Hiya!

I know I could have left the house, but it was pissing down with rain and dark and miserable so I just wallowed all day. I’ve been meaning to repost these David Yellen pictures for about two years but today was that day. David Yellen is a badass snapper who did this series called Too Fast For Love/Heavy Metal Portraits.

Way back in 2000, David went on tour with KISS, Poison, Iron Maiden, Slaughter, Ted Nugent, Dokken and Cinderellla to capture the frankly insane style of their fans. I repeat, these pics were taken in 2000. I guess nine years is a long time ago now, but it’s NOT that long ago. Too Fast For Love is the book that came of the project and I swear it’s a top gift for anyone this Christmas. Like, these are the worst pictures. The whole book is fucking awesome and I’ve revisited it on a monthly fucking basis since I first got my hands on it back in the olden days on being at uni. Rad!

Four seasons you better believe it

6 Dec

Wow. Just, wow. Jen from Gnarlitude just posted this shirt on her blog for Urban Outfitters and I’m floored. Beach Boys and Black Flag are kinda unlikely bedfellows but I’m equally obsessed with them both. In a top ten favourite bands ever chart, they’d jostle, let’s put it that way.

Anyway, this shirt comes from the genius mind of Dan Meth for Misswit and costs a mere $20.

You’re in dreamland

4 Dec

Until I can afford my very own, non-work Mac (post-Christmas, I’m saving. I’m trying to save. I have £75), staying in a hotel with an iMac remains an enormous thrill. And with that, here’s a selection of my newest buys with the added bonus of what can only be called ‘posering’. Sorry.

Latest buys. Topshop initial earrings (lost one already, less than 24hrs, nice one) and beer.

Newest shoes. I can’t tell you where they’re from because I’m too ashamed. It rhymes with Mybark and I needed some black shoes in a hurry AND I LOVE THEM.

Just picked up this lampshade in Manchester. I saw it 6 months ago and hesitated. I came back today and it was in exactly the same place in exactly the same shop. That vintage store makes we want to move back here; they had diner sets (table and four chairs, mint) for £40. UNF. I’m going back tomorrow for a selection of clocks and paintings.

Newest dress from Dorothy Perkins, more on which to come. Also my favourite (obv) belt, that I wear literally every day.

My DMs and the bootstraps I blogged about aaaages ago.

OK so that’s your lot, I guess I’m gonna try and get a life now. I LOVE PHOTOBOOTH. Over and out.

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