See, now I promised not to keep talking about the lolidays but here we go again – although truth be told, I’ve always been a fan of aloha print.

Big, bold Polynesian prints aren’t just a Hawaiian stereotype, they’re a way of life – everyone seems to have an aloha shirt or two on the islands and they’re certainly not just worn by tourists or staff in novelty restaurants on Waikiki. Aloha shirts are actually considered as formalwear – something you’d wear to a wedding or to work in a bank or something, you know?

Anyway, you can read a much better Hawaiian shirt history lesson here if you’re so inclined, the point of this post was to admire the aloha prints on the catwalks in the men’s spring/summer 2014 collections. At 3.1 Phillip Lim and Prada, we were treated to some excellent aloha-print bags and floral-festooned outfits that would put even the most flamboyant Hawaiian to shame.

I think it can be tricky to take an aloha print out of context and not have it look tacky, but the Philip Lim pieces feel extremely elegant and, obviously, Prada makes everything work always. If you check out the close-ups on Charlie Porter’s backstage blog you will undoubtedly fall in love with them even more. SWOON.

I’m mighty glad those two decided to show aloha prints, because it gives me an excuse to post this bag of dreams from a collaboration between Porter and atmos which I’ve had bookmarked for about four months. Don’t you just hate those exclusive Japanese streetwear collaborations?

Alternative name for this post: seven bags that I would really like, but will never be able to afford.

(That’s the Hawaiian version of a sad trombone.)

I’ve seen a lot of pineapple items in the shops this spring, and what with the whole tropical print trend still looming over us, I’m sure we’ll be faced with plenty more throughout the summer.

Unfortunately, my ridiculously anal fussiness for prints means that while I’m appreciating a lot of pineapples, I’ve not actually bought anything. Prints are so killer to me – a slightly too-thick outline and I won’t buy it. A slightly too-large scale and I hate it. See also; a slighty t00-small scale. Anything that looks like something we did in Photoshop class during the first year of our degree. Bad cut-outs. And so it goes on.

Today, however, I have found two fantastic pineapple designs – and both from menswear labels.

The wonderful Charlie Porter mentioned the magic ‘P’ word on Twitter, sharing his latest purchase from Head Porter. This lovely hoodie might appear to be quite a plain, tasteful sweater but the lining is a pure tropical treat. You can buy the Head Porter Aloha Sweat Parka from The Hideout in London, or at the Head Porter online store. I won’t tell you how much it is, because it will only depress us.

At some point while I was trying to find another UK stockists for that treat, I came across this Our Legacy Reversible Pineapple Sweater. Ooh, I’m into that. This one is slightly less embarrassingly expensive, at about £80. I did say slightly.

Possibly hard to believe for those of you that only know me now, but in my university days I lived in Adidas gear (and baggy Levis and SWEATBANDS). I had a pretty big trainer collection and spent most of my Waterstone’s lunchbreaks lurking in Ran on Deansgate, eying up Orginals pieces that were way out of my price range. It was a dismal time, sartorially-speaking, but we live and learn eh?

I had a flashback to those halcyon days on the train the other night when I spotted a guy in the above Adidas Originals t-shirt. No surprise to learn it was the pineapple what done it. I spent a while trying to track it down online, only to find out that it’s sold out and old. Really? It feels very SS12 with its fruit and floral print, but there we have it.

Sweet Adidas Originals Fruit Graphic T-shirt, you could have been the first step in a (potentially-terrible) style revival.

The Oasis Floral Frocks range is all about fantastic print, and while the majority of the designs are (obviously) floral… there’s also this cheeky little pineapple print hidden amongst the roses and dahlias. Available in a bustier crop top (£40) and full skirt (£55), I’m pretty much ready to wear this entire outfit and eat an ice lolly, preferably in Miami.

Earlier this year the Whistles PR team tweeted a picture of a snazzy pineapple print which they revealed would be central to their first ever resort collection. Resort time is duly upon us so I’ve been checking the Whistles site sporadically for any signs of pineapple but no dice, until yesterday.

So far, the magically delicious print only appears on a playsuit and in 3D form on a pendant, but I’m holding out for a blouse, dress or skirt. Christmas miracle, please, Jane Shepherdson.

This silver/black foil print is designed by none other than Meg Mathews. That’s right, Noel Gallagher’s ex now creates pineapple-print metallic wallpaper. I knew she wasn’t all bad. Available exclusively at Liberty. A quick Google reveals a sample of this style in a GLITTER finish. Omg!

For a more classic, semi-colonial feel, this Studio Printworks design features a technical sketch of a delicious pineapple. Available in all sorts of colours and finishes.

This exuberant (their words) Adelphi pineapple print dates back the 1840s – snazzy! It came in various colourways which you can see on the site, but I quite like this salmon pink and blue style.

Finally, colour-your-own pineapples from Jenny Wilkinson. I wasn’t convinced by this until I saw it in situ on Design Sponge. Ceramicist Reiko Kaneko has a bad-ass house in Stoke Newington which features all sorts of design treats – including pineapples.

PS Click the pineapples tag for more adventures in tropical fruits – who knew I’d written so many posts on the subject?

… Then the fabulous Twin bought me this – with no knowledge of my growing pineapple obsession…

… Then I got the weird pineapple child lipstick holder…

… Then Whistles posted this sneak preview of their SS12 collection…

Here are some other pineapple things I’m in to at the moment. The worry is that this will become like my Sheep Collection of 1990-1994, when I bought anything and everything with a sheep on until the collection had to spill out of my bedroom and be accommodated in the hallway at my family home.

ASOS Pineapple Print Shirt

Tropical Trainers

Pineapple Front Desk Bell

Pineapple Sweater Clip [Why don't I own sweater clips already?]

Pineapple Tea Set

Of course, the irony of all this is that I can’t stand pineapple.

I had to share my latest Etsy purchase, even though it hasn’t arrived yet.

On Sunday I was outbid on yet another brass pineapple ice bucket on eBay and had a furtive glance on Etsy to see if they offered any alternatives. Alas, the brass pineapple seems to be a uniquely English phenomenon as there was nothing to be found – except one very expensive pineapple from a British seller.

The search continues. If anyone ever finds a reasonably priced one please do get in touch as I’ll pay you whatever it takes to get it to me.

Anyway – I may not have found an ice bucket but I did find a brass lipstick holder featuring a small boy holding a pineapple, and that will do for now.

Keen readers may recall that my eBay saved searches include ‘vintage brass pineapple ice bucket’. They’re still going for stupid amounts of money, so for now I may just invest in one of these tealight pineapples from Habitat. Available in three what-can-only-be-described-as totally tropical colours.

Buy ‘em here for just £7!

Yesterday was a total sartorial disaster. The vintage sun dress I chose to debut fell apart in the middle of my office and my sandals cut my feet to ribbons so I was paddling around in blood most of the day. The shoes are my own fault – they do that every summer and I always forget. They are now in the bin. The dress however… No idea. It fits like a dream and appeared to be in A+ condition when I picked it up in Sheffield last week, but yesterday morning as I sat innocently at my desk, the zip decided to do that thing where it opens down the middle and refuses to do up. Ho hum. Sitting in the office with my bra and pants on display is one thing, but it was my boyfriend’s birthday yesterday too and there was a family dinner on the cards.

Being an overenthusiastic Brit, I didn’t even have a cardigan or jacket with me at work. Had to run down the high street clutching my dress together with one hand, praying that the emergency safety pins which I keep in my bag at all times would hold it together. First stop Primark to buy the world’s cheapest cardigan just to cover myself up – there’s nothing I hate more than spending money on things I’ll never wear again but whatevs, it saved my modesty.

There aren’t many shops that I’d usually shop in round here because I’m so anal about clothes, but Debenhams saved the day with the lemon-print dress above. Obv fruit is the print of choice this season and this dress does lemons in a suitably zesty way – the print feels vintage-y enough not to just look like a catwalk rip-off and it fits perfectly. Was secretly hoping I might hate it and have to return it but no – I love it. Crisis averted – except for my shoes, which continued to cripple me all night and have left bloody incisions where my heels used to be. Oh well, can’t have it all.

Fun fact! When I bought this dress the assistant said: “You’ll look like a right lemon in that.” Debenhams HQ – if there’s any way I can identify her, can you please give her a bonus?

By the way, the above pineapple-print dress is also on my hitlist. It’s from Oliver Bonas – although this picture is from the Guardian, who say it will be on sale 26 April.

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